I'm a biter, not a writer.

ok

2006-08-13T22:45:00.000-07:00

Am I too nice? Do I think too much? Do I care too much? I would do anything for anyone if I felt they deserved it and I feel that that is not ok. I should be meaner for people to want to be around me. I am very selective about who I let around me, but when people get to know me they seem to appreicate me, but just as an idea, as if I am not real....

Cam'ron & A Bathing Ape

2006-04-02T20:19:00.000-07:00

I like Cam'ron. Purple Haze was a nice enough album. That Kanye song, "Down And Out," still makes me want to drive hecka fast. Anyway, him and the DipSet posse are on a role about calling everyone "swagger jackers." Other folks are taking their style. I won't deny that they have a style. They look fly if you are into that shit. (Which, I am.) But get off your own dicks. Some people have no style and they copy rappers, actors, people "on the corner" and others to get one. So be it. I figured Cam and Juelz, at least, would have better shit to worry about then who is jacking their swagger. Jim Jones is the exception. I think the world of Jim Jones by-the-by, but dude seems bored with his life, so he just finds shit to get mad about. Basically, I am trying to say DipSet needs to get off their own dicks. I love DipSet, but shit ya'll's fashion icon is Barney. Ya'll just used to worry about effin' hoes, smokin' piff, and cuttin' coke. Pointless thought.

A Bathing Ape. $300 hoodies. Whatevs. Ripping off Dunks and charging $500. Fly. The logo. Hecka fly. My question is why. Nigo has commented on how the brand is a reflection of youth culture now (and in the 90's basically). "Just a bunch of lazy apes sitting around not doing shit." (Not an actual quote, but that is what he is saying.) I am lazy, but I don't need to spend $90 on a limited edition tee to remind myself that I ain't shit. If I had family money, I might squander some gouda on it, but I don't think I would respect myself. Self respect is officially in question for the world at this point anyway.

These are a couple of things I have thought about lately and just felt like putting out there. Whatevs.

EDIT: I just read a sweet interview with a dude named Bobby Hundreds. His is fly. He talks about Bathing Ape. Points out some things. Nigo is fly. SMART. Where did I put those three hundred dollar bills? I need a new hoodie.

2006-04-02T20:13:00.000-07:00

I have been really mean lately. Part of me enjoys it, but I know the only reason I am doing it is because I realized it will never be. I feel betrayed and I don't know how to, properly, deal with my feelings. call me emotional. it's true. i accept it. too bad other people can't.

2006-03-17T02:19:00.000-08:00

Spring Break Hellscape
Everytime I read one that says, "Yours in christ, etc," I smile.

I think I need to move out of the basement apartment I live in. Then I should think about moving out of Iowa.

enjoi - bag of suck - dvd
This video will put some sunshine in my day.

2006-03-14T23:14:00.000-08:00

This is not working anymore.

Oh shit....

2006-03-12T15:06:00.000-08:00

I have the best girlfriend ever!

She got me Ghostface Killah's stinky, wet, smelly thermal hooded sweatshirt and his equally smelly brown bandana!!!

True love!

2006-03-04T22:10:00.000-08:00

iTunes does not recognize my ipod. come on apple.

hmmm....

2006-02-26T21:25:00.000-08:00

her mom likes me too much.

2005-12-24T22:36:00.000-08:00

i just got back from a midnight x-mas serive at a friend's church. i invited my mom and we sat next to this stuck-up bitch. it was fantastic. people singing. people crying. people praying. me laughing. i was not to make fun of these people, nor to bash their silly religious beliefs. i just realized that we have all been through some shit. we all have bawled, or tried to speak to someone who is not there. it is ok. it's so nice to know we could help each other. i know it prolly won't happen, but what are you gonna do. i am going to smile and laugh at everything as much as i already do and can. i cry, but it is self pity. we all do it. i love this shit. that lady next to us was a bitch. and i told my mom that "that lady is a bitch" when we were sitting next to her. i had to laugh at that. saying bitch in a church on christmas was very liberating. so was laughing.

i am going to watch the FourStar Super Champion FunZone skate video.

2005-12-20T01:29:00.000-08:00

SNL skit: The Chronic Of Narnia

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=zLElfJ9YCh0

It is funny.

2005-12-20T00:46:00.000-08:00

it must be a full sun or new sun right now, somewhere on the planet. i am in invisible tears by the beauty of the world right now. the only reason they are not real tears is because the emotion i am feeling is of joy y happiness. shit. just smile - you're gonna die.

2005-12-09T22:02:00.000-08:00

i feel like i can be everything to everybody.
i am having trouble accepting that i can't do that.
it is making me angry.

2005-12-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

i am going to justify stealing music, because most of the artists i am getting are dead. if they are not dead, they have stopped taking drugs. either way, they don't need my money for drugs anymore. it's all about the music anyway.

2005-11-11T03:26:00.000-08:00

it is a terrible feeling knowing that you are holding yourself back. knowing that if you could just let one thing in your life go, you could accually be able to live your life. you look for the perfect picture, perfect magazine article, perfect book, perfect blog entry, perfect person, perfect job, the perfect life. you soon realize that nothing is perfect, but it doesn't stop you quest to find the perfection you seek. you know it is out there. you don't know in what form, theory, or rational it will come in, but you wait. you wake up thinking today is the day. the only reason to get up is to find it. the only reason to go to sleep (if you can sleep) is to know that you tried another day and you will try again tomorrow to (prolly) no avail, but you can't stop seeking, you can stop acquiring useless knowledge about tv, books, celebrities, magazines, fictious movie characters (and the people that play them); thinking maybe one of these ideas or people have the final lyric for your life. the flashlight that leads you through the never-ending grey you see before you everyday. a documentary on wolves states, "(maybe) the key to life is to not think about it too much, take your lumps, and not to think (dwell) on the ones that are coming." you agree, but have trouble putting it into practice.

you write a blog entry hoping one person will leave a comment leading you into another direction. you are at a point where anything would be accepted with open mind. you want someone to understand where you are coming from, but you are also realizing everyone feels this way, but might not know how to put it in words. don't look here for it. this took me 10 mins to write. and by the time you understand it i will have forgotten about it.

self-awareness is becoming a national dilemma.

i could be a nation of one.

My chat with God.

2005-11-11T02:48:00.000-08:00

Me:
i am sorry for everything i have ever done that is considered bad. please just make my life worth living.

God:
There is no need to apologize. Your purpose is everything you have ever done that is considered bad. Thanks for asking politely. What are the ingredients?

Me:
chicken, hair tyes, acne medication, pizza, music, bicycles, shoes, magazines, tattoos, photographs, and *cross your fingers* condoms

God:
Do you have any chicken hair tyes acne medication pizza music bicycles shoes magazines tattoos photographs and cross my fingers condoms?

Me:
i have chicken, music, shoes, magazines, and photographs. i am lacking in the use of condoms.

God:
Interesting... I have a birthday on the Big Bang. It's good to meet someone who is lacking in the use of condoms.

Me:
why is that holy one?

God:
Why do I exist?

Me:
so people can blame you for their problems instead of themselves.

God:
Dude! Humans are not always infallible.

Me:
what does infallible mean?

God:
Impotence.

Me:
took you long enough to answer that. jeez.

God:
How old are you? Can you explain how it feels to be jeez years old?

Me:
22 'almost 23' and it feels awesome to be jeez years old. i am a virgin and i have acne that stops me from talking to potential mates.

God:
What is your fondest memory? You are a virgin? Is that your job? That's nice. I have a lot of silly replies.

Me:
riding in a car with a pair of lezbos, listening to rilo kiley on the way to tama, ia to go to a casino, and the moon lit up the world.

God:
I lost my train of thought.

Me:
thanks dipshit

God:
You are quite welcome! Not many people express themselves that way.

Me:
dir.

God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?

Me:
you fag

God:
That is not a nice thing to say.

Me:
no shit, i need fucking answers. and you are giving me replies like "i lost my train of thought."

God:
Are you serious? You used a colloquial expression. Who would you usually get that from? That is all I have to give.

Me:
what is a colloquial expression?

God:
A colloquial expression is an expression characteristic of informal spoken language, or any written expression that seems such.

Me:
i get colloquial expressions from rappers. i like rap music a lot.

God:
Where did you get it? You are not the only one. I like 80's rap.

Me:
stores and the internets.

God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.

Me:
i'm not worried about it. quite honestly.

God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not worried about it. Perhaps. I am always honest.

Me:
dude, is this going to go any important?

God:
Yes I think this is going to go any important, but I'm not completely sure. Dude,.

Me:
if i type the word honest is that going to be the reply you give?

God:
Try it.

Me:
ferris bueller's day off is on. i think i am going to end this convo for now. is that kosher?

God:
Are they exactly the same? Oh. Why? How do you plan to do this? That depends.

Me:
what?

God:
No problem.

Me:
fuck off!!!!

God:
Can't you be more polite?

Me:
yes, but why? you are boring me.

God:
Thank you. The explanation is rather complicated. What would you rather be doing?

Me:
frolicing.

God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about ferris bueller s day off.

Me:
yeah, that shit is b-a-n-d-a-n-a-s.

God:
Alright then. " That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about ferris bueller s day off. " shit is b a n d a n a s ? Makes sense to me.

Me:
word. your cool with me. peace.

God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input. I have no reason to do that to you, . Love and Peace, Man.

It's On. Soup is here.

2005-11-01T23:45:00.000-08:00

I just took the best shower I have ever taken. It was like an Herbal Essence commercial and shite. I now have an answer to the some of the questions I have contomplated in the last 3 or so posts. I am just going to let things happen and try to enjoy things. Just live the life.
(Even though I posted this fantastic post about being positive, I will still post some dumb shite about hating someone or something and other negative stuff too. People love the negative stuff.)

2005-11-01T13:50:00.000-08:00

I had a good day and night. I got to be around a good friend, whom I have lost contact with in the past year. There was an added an era of mysteria, because she kept me a secret.
Plus, her mom also gave me some solid advice. It was very surprising coming so calmly, plainly, and matter-of-factly from her. Tonight was a nice surprise.

2005-10-30T01:59:00.000-08:00

what should i do after i graduate from community college in the spring time? i really do need some suggestions. anything ideas appreciated and considered.

Self-Destruction

2005-10-28T02:10:00.000-07:00

We all do it. We have to do it. We need to feel like we don't deserve what we want. We need a dirty secret. We need to feel shame for ourselves. We need an addiction.
"I'm too fat."
"I'm a hairy bastard."
"I need to get drunk as shit to deal with my problems."
"I need drugs."
"My family hates me, I hate my family."
"I'll fuck anything that moves."
We all feed our addictions. I have not found the right form of self-destruction for myself yet.
I was going to buy some video games tonight, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I got the Bloc Party remix cd. Thought about buying Iron Maiden's Seventh Son of the Seventh Son and Ladytron's 2002 cd.
I don't know what is going on.

2005-10-08T02:07:00.000-07:00

I have a myspace profile. I like looking at other peoples' profiles because they have cool and interesting things on them. Shit I have never heard of i.e. movies, music, books, etc. But then I start to think how pathetic I am. I have no real cool things to say or talk or type about and I get sad. Then I think about people that are all hot and sexy and smart and interesting and feel worse. Then I think about bodybuilders and fraterity brothers and other straight up boring people and I feel a little bit better.

Pretty.

2005-10-04T13:30:00.000-07:00

My dearest, most beautiful friend is moving to Chicago in 2 weeks! She does not have a job yet and is looking. She would VERY MUCH APPRECIATE it if you could contact her (or I) about a perspective job for her! She is totally amazing! For serious.

I downloaded the cat theme for my firefox internet browser.
The Gravediggaz-6 Feet Deep album I ordered came today.
The O.C. is a terrible show. I will continue to buy every season that is released on dvd.
My photography class is A LOT of fun!

All of your debts will be erased when you die. Does that mean one should use their credit cards as much as possible?

I don't believe I will ever understand the attraction people have to alcohol. I have been around a couple of flat out alcoholics and I don't get it. I guess I would rather be "clear-headed." I have tried a few different drinks. I like gin and tonic all right. I have never even been close to being "buzzed," let alone drunk. I also don't live in the "real world," so I would imagine I don't have the "real world" problems that would make some people drink. I have listened to people say that they don't drink just because they have a problem, but "because it is fun." I can't really dispute that idealism because I have not been drunk. I have seen where the "fun" drinking leaves people and it doesn't look like too much fun. Everyone I know drinks thought and I love them. Maybe I don't like to have fun. (I used quotation marks too much in this rambling thought process.)

I feel less interesting now that I don't have the drama about taking pills per my therapist's advice.

Roll Bounce is as terrible as you thought it would be.

I have many subjects I want to write about. I would like to post more things, but it seems pretty futile. I am not great at organizing thoughts on here. I just don't take the time.

Woot! Woot. Woot?

2005-09-12T13:56:00.000-07:00

I have lived 22 years of mediocrity and I feel at least 40 more years coming if I keep and this same path. I would love to squeeze in 10 solid years of life and be done. Shit, even 5 would work. I just have sheltered myself for so long, it is all I know. It is easy to surround myself with things that can't talk back, that fill time, but don't necessarily give me anything back in return. I think I want adventure. I think I want a change. I am just talking though. Nothing is going to happen unless it is forced upon me. I will wait for that moment for the next 40 years.

driving barefoot is the new sleeping with the enemy

2005-08-29T23:50:00.000-07:00

I had my first class today. Photography at community college is going to slay! Lots of work, big payoff. That is what I'm expecting from it. He has 7 or 8 or so trips scheduled over the next year. San Francisco, Canada, a couple of mountains, and some other places in Iowa! Good times, good times.
You are now privy to my community college photography photos.

I have bought Undeclared, Blow, Party Monster, Motorcycle Diaries, 12 Monkeys, and Paris, Texas in the last week on dvd. Fuck, You, Winter.

I like driving barefoot. Why is it illegal?

))<>((

o.m.g. wtf? is up w/ wy?

Does anyone have any information/help/suggestions on putting together a (maga)zine?

I got a free pair of black converse all stars today that are a size to big. Since they were free, I am able to justify modifying them to fit my idea of a better shoe that rubs your heels and has no support.

I got invited to play poker tonight, which happens semi-often, but I usually decline. I decided to go, my friend and I pull out of his drive-way, call his friend to say we are on the way. Turns out Dale Colorado does not like to play with more than 5 or 6 people. I was #7. So I saved 5 dollars tonight.

I really want to get an apparatus that has two wheels and a motor.

connected.

2005-08-24T21:58:00.000-07:00

folded the cards i was delt
grabbed a new deck
shuffled
and re-upped

2005-08-16T13:33:00.000-07:00

i am questioning my "morals" and shit that i have stuck to since i can remember. i am doing this because i have not been as happy as i can be. i notice other people that have completely different "morals" than mine having a lot of fun. i just use my "morals" to deflect myself from doing things i am afraid of doing. i am sheltered. i am a mama's boy. and i am scared to be happy. i put on a great front though. whamy.