what should i do after i graduate from community college in the spring time? i really do need some suggestions. anything ideas appreciated and considered.  ¶ 1:59 AM 0 comments

  Self-Destruction We all do it. We have to do it. We need to feel like we don't deserve what we want. We need a dirty secret. We need to feel shame for ourselves. We need an addiction.
"I'm too fat."
"I'm a hairy bastard."
"I need to get drunk as shit to deal with my problems."
"I need drugs."
"My family hates me, I hate my family."
"I'll fuck anything that moves."
We all feed our addictions. I have not found the right form of self-destruction for myself yet.
I was going to buy some video games tonight, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I got the Bloc Party remix cd. Thought about buying Iron Maiden's Seventh Son of the Seventh Son and Ladytron's 2002 cd.
I don't know what is going on.




  ¶ 2:10 AM 4 comments

  I have a myspace profile. I like looking at other peoples' profiles because they have cool and interesting things on them. Shit I have never heard of i.e. movies, music, books, etc. But then I start to think how pathetic I am. I have no real cool things to say or talk or type about and I get sad. Then I think about people that are all hot and sexy and smart and interesting and feel worse. Then I think about bodybuilders and fraterity brothers and other straight up boring people and I feel a little bit better.  ¶ 2:07 AM 0 comments

  Pretty. My dearest, most beautiful friend is moving to Chicago in 2 weeks! She does not have a job yet and is looking. She would VERY MUCH APPRECIATE it if you could contact her (or I) about a perspective job for her! She is totally amazing! For serious.

I downloaded the cat theme for my firefox internet browser.
The Gravediggaz-6 Feet Deep album I ordered came today.
The O.C. is a terrible show. I will continue to buy every season that is released on dvd.
My photography class is A LOT of fun!

All of your debts will be erased when you die. Does that mean one should use their credit cards as much as possible?

I don't believe I will ever understand the attraction people have to alcohol. I have been around a couple of flat out alcoholics and I don't get it. I guess I would rather be "clear-headed." I have tried a few different drinks. I like gin and tonic all right. I have never even been close to being "buzzed," let alone drunk. I also don't live in the "real world," so I would imagine I don't have the "real world" problems that would make some people drink. I have listened to people say that they don't drink just because they have a problem, but "because it is fun." I can't really dispute that idealism because I have not been drunk. I have seen where the "fun" drinking leaves people and it doesn't look like too much fun. Everyone I know drinks thought and I love them. Maybe I don't like to have fun. (I used quotation marks too much in this rambling thought process.)

I feel less interesting now that I don't have the drama about taking pills per my therapist's advice.

Roll Bounce is as terrible as you thought it would be.

I have many subjects I want to write about. I would like to post more things, but it seems pretty futile. I am not great at organizing thoughts on here. I just don't take the time.  ¶ 1:30 PM 2 comments