Boy In Da Corner I am not going to take the pills.
I am going to have fun this summer.
I am going to enjoy being away from school for a couple of months.
I am going to read some books.
I am going to make some music.
I am going to take piano lessons.
I am going to visit some parks and play frisbee.
I am going to have some fun.
I am going to try and enjoy other people's company more.

(I can't tell if I mean this stuff or if it is wishful thinking. Time will tell. It's time for a change.)  ¶ 11:19 PM 0 comments

  who, want....what? therapist's analysis: i have re-occurring depression.
therapist's recommendation: take anti-depressants for a while.
my reply: pills mask the problem, like alcohol and drugs.
therapist's rebuttal: i am concerned about you not sleeping. not all drugs are bad. this is a chemical problem in the brain. fixing the problem will take longer without the pills.
my thought: i think i would rather deal with the pain than medicate it away (momentarily?) and have it come back.  ¶ 4:19 AM 3 comments

  I will post something important in the FUTURE, but not now I have an appointment with my therapist in 7 hrs. I have not seen her since the end of 2003. I am super jazzed to see what she can say about all of the crap I have in my head (this will take more than one session). Nothing is going terrible. I feel fine, but empty.

I have a 10 page paper due in less than 48 hrs. which I still haven't started on. This is a problem. (Very much my own fault since I have known about it since the first day of class.) I could fail Western Civ. II again. I feel like a total failure, but it also makes me laugh. I know it will not matter if I fail again. I can just take it one more time (or two).
I have another paper due by the end of the night that is just waiting to be typed.
I know this shit is easy to do. I should have no problem writing bullshit papers all the time. I just feel like the pay off is not going to be worth it. I will get an "A" or a "B" at least. The teacher will know I wrote it that night or an hr. before it was due, but they will say I have good points and that it is "well thought out." S.S.D.D. (and I love it. we all do.)

The new pope is creepy looking. Just a heads up. I don't know much about him, but based on looks protect ya goddamn neck.

Four Tet has a new cd coming out on May 31st.

I don't feel like I am saying anything new. No idea's original.

TRUEBOY 1nce again, back, it's the incredible

I don't have any stories about being drunk or high. I feel like I missed the boat, although I know I didn't. (right?)  ¶ 2:17 AM 0 comments

  Yup. Since I posted that shit about writing whatever I want to, I have not been able to think of anything to write. I think that is funny.

I have a 10 page history paper due on Thursday. I have not started it. I have known about it since the beginning of the semester. I am thinking of writing about how all of the wars, including the current war, have lead me to being so lazy and procrastinating so much.

I realized today that I will never be as cool as my friends are.


  ¶ 8:46 PM 0 comments

  Hey little mama, let me whisper in ya ear School is almost done.
I think I am going to buy a unicycle. (why not? could be fun.)
What the hell is happening?
I am going to take a photography class this summer.
I need to write more. (and better).
I have not been to a bookstore in over a week. (I need the new Murder Dog.)
I could work at a library.
How old am I now, 22? Booze and pot should be a part of my daily life by now.
The L Word. Tina is my fav.
Rent: Hotel Rwanda. Barfly. Word Wars. Six Feet Under Seasons 1 & 2. etc.
Usually don't listen to Beck, but I like his new cd.
Regina Spektor puts on a good show.
I was in Chicago for 6 hrs. or so. I was impressed.
a/k/a gunyoga must have a lot on his plate.
Jessica Hopper is cool. Thanks for the issues of Hit It or Quit It.
Bukowski is an interesting read.
I am listening to Dry. A Memior. on my iPod.
This post=going nowhere. I'm done for the night.  ¶ 1:54 AM 0 comments

  å∂ √߬ˆ´¬å¬∂ˆ´æåæç´¨œ…¬˚˚©æßåß I am going to do it. I am going to write whatever I feel, whatever makes me laugh, whatever makes you cry. I will write anything I feel on this blog or in school or the local paper (as if, I even had that chance). Footnote. People in the future are going to be reading and remember the same 100 writers we/I read and admire now. Bukowski. Kerouac. Thompson. Hemingway. Salinger. Burroughs. Palahniuk. Kesey. Thoreau. Bach. Wallace. Coles. Giles. etc. 300 years from now people will still read these people and you and I will be long gone. People will be added. People that use this service will be added. But in the grand scheme, the above will stand. This fact should be completely and utterly refreshing. You should be doing cartwheels, somersaults, and hand stands about this. You and I can write anything, expound on any topic in hope of being added to this list. It will not happen, but what do we have to lose but our own vanity. Lose yourself in your writing. Blog about cow utters. about your favorite music and movies. about steeples and dogs. about New Jersey. about the color green. about the shit that only matters to you and the people never have and never will meet. Someone will always be able to say/write it better than you. It's all for you.

"Life is not about finding yourself, but about creating yourself." -unknown
(Some people don't even want the credit.)  ¶ 1:24 AM 0 comments

  Now, I'm down in it Notes from my history class yesterday:

We need a brand to identify with
college-bike ridin'-hip hop-liberal-"fuck capitalism" person
but fuck dat I know some of these will change
with time. These things are not me. they are my current
identity the things I identify with
Maybe I will grow up, I think I will
I think we
all do.
these brands
are important
People would be even
more adrift if they could
not label themselves and
others. If we did not
identify ourselves with
trends, friends, and
family there would be
no reason to press on,
to discover or create the
new trend. The trend (brand)
that could change the world.
The brand everyone wants to be a
part of. BRAND TRUEBOY.

If I didn't identify with Cam'ron, I wouldn't know I could be as
fly as I wanna be. If not for Ghostface, I might not know it is otay
for a grown man to cry. If not for homosexuals, I might not get
that it is cool to be yourself. Without friends and bloggers, I might
never recognize my full potential. Without family, I would not know true love.

(F0r) as free as we want to be, we are not ready for the responsibility.

I need a haircut.

So many drugs:
Et

keeping it real

YouYesYou

[+] put a [gun] to my [head] [+]  ¶ 11:50 AM 0 comments

  Scheme Scheme, Plot Plot Time to organize. Time to make decisions. I have been groomed for this. (Haven't I?) Time to get the facts. Time to understand the reason for wanting to be here. Is school worth pursuing? Is it worth trying to move out? Should I bother trying to do anything? Answer is YES. Shit is "The Mad Real World." "Round, Round, Round We Go." There are some real people on this internet shit. I can't imagine how everyone feels so shitty (about the same things?). The world is messed up. Hopelessness attacks us in our daily lives. This generation does not seem to believe in god. (I think I believe in something, but none of it seems to make any sense. It seems like a crutch to me. If I believe in god, I can justify anything to myself. I am envious of people who can put their whole faith and being in something like that. I just can't seem to be able to do it. Aspects of different religions make sense to me. Taoism makes sense to me. Buddhism makes sense. "The Oneness" of the world makes sense to me, but I also feel that none of this means anything at all.) They seem to realize this thing called life is just a game. They seem to understand "party like it is 1999." I don't know why I have trouble accepting these things. The information age is pure bullshit. The Age of Loss Hope? The Age of Hopelessness? I get the feeling I am not the only one feeling this way. Does this happen to everyone when they are 22 years old, still living with their mom in a basement apartment, and living in the midwest?

Just my thoughts. I need to finish some homework, so I don't fail the same class again.

Inner conflict is a part of (daily) life.

I feel minute.

Come get your drugs:
[+] put a [gun] to my [head]

TRUE

a/k/a gunyoga

flagrant disregard

tinyluckygenius aka the Unicorn's tear  ¶ 1:54 AM 3 comments